it's friday now and i am worried that my blog is getting rotten here coz i haven't had the time to write since my first real entry. my dad's in town and its fab to see him after so long..i sense that he really wants to make up for lost time..except i don't know if that is ever really possible? is it? i wonder. we're off to davao on sunday to spend some days there in the sun. i'm really excited but at the same time i am going to miss the company of benny's dad. i am sure my sister and fam will help me out taking care of benny but it'd be great to have him around. my dad and mum got separated when i turned 12. it was very painful coz it coincided with my birthday. so goodbye dad. we got reunited though in 1999 when i flew to the states. it was funny. i was 18 already, all grown up from when i last saw him and we had 6 years gone, and 2 weeks to try and fix things. i wanted to get my tongue pierced and he refused to allow me. i was like, who the hell are you to tell me what to do? after not being in my life all this time, why should what you think have any bearing on my decisons?" i cried a lot. we made up evntually and everything was fine. he was my dad afterall..no matter what. i flew back to manila and got my tongue pierced that day. funny. now he's here again..i know and see that he loves all of us very much. but there is that strange distance between us coz of lost time. i wonder now how benny will look back at his dad and how he loves him.
benny tonight is not feeling so well..don't know if it's gas, or colic. he hasn't fed since 6 p.m. and hasn't wanted to be put down. poor baby when he cries like that. i want to fix it, take charge and make things right. then sometimes i feel like i can't or i'm too tired, or mad that i am doing it alone.
ok goodnight world. hahaha..so much for a blog entry. till i write again.
went out for the first time last night..well we did last week for my brother's birthday, but that was an hour only. last night, i left benny for three whole hours to go to the Christina Aguilera concert at the Fort..I was a bit guilty to leave benny at first, but thank god for some affirmations, I was able to let it go. Yes, we all need our 'alone time'..good also for bo and me to spend time like that together. We were missing little benny though..wondering how he was doing, if he was hungry and drinking the milk i stored for him? mama and papa took over for those 3 hours. it was fab to be out..sometimes i forget i am a mommy. i wanted to bring benlove with me to the concert, but it wouldve been too chaotic for him..or not?
he was fast asleep when we got home. he drank an ounce of milk only while i was away..not so fond of fake nips i guess. bye bye milk..my hard work. i gave it to the cats this morning..i think they found it strange..reinforces the idea that only humans drink milk beyond breastfeeding days. we dont need cows milk and my baby definetely doesn't need powered formula..thank god for the milk that just keeps flowing..
so after watching Back to Basics..i was home in bed with the nice cozy weather..back to Benny... :)