Vegetarian Dee

Friday, July 27, 2007

lost time

it's friday now and i am worried that my blog is getting rotten here coz i haven't had the time to write since my first real entry. my dad's in town and its fab to see him after so long..i sense that he really wants to make up for lost time..except i don't know if that is ever really possible? is it? i wonder. we're off to davao on sunday to spend some days there in the sun. i'm really excited but at the same time i am going to miss the company of benny's dad. i am sure my sister and fam will help me out taking care of benny but it'd be great to have him around.

my dad and mum got separated when i turned 12. it was very painful coz it coincided with my birthday. so goodbye dad. we got reunited though in 1999 when i flew to the states. it was funny. i was 18 already, all grown up from when i last saw him and we had 6 years gone, and 2 weeks to try and fix things. i wanted to get my tongue pierced and he refused to allow me. i was like, who the hell are you to tell me what to do? after not being in my life all this time, why should what you think have any bearing on my decisons?" i cried a lot. we made up evntually and everything was fine. he was my dad matter what. i flew back to manila and got my tongue pierced that day. funny.
now he's here again..i know and see that he loves all of us very much. but there is that strange distance between us coz of lost time.
i wonder now how benny will look back at his dad and how he loves him.

benny tonight is not feeling so well..don't know if it's gas, or colic. he hasn't fed since 6 p.m. and hasn't wanted to be put down. poor baby when he cries like that. i want to fix it, take charge and make things right. then sometimes i feel like i can't or i'm too tired, or mad that i am doing it alone.

ok goodnight world. much for a blog entry. till i write again.


dharmadreams said...

welcome back to blogging! nice photo oof ur dad n ben :)

funny how we see patterns in our lives. we must break that cycle for our children's sake!

dharmadreams said...

oh yeah. where was that photo taken???

deelirious said...

photo was in tagaytay the day before benny got his first fever:(

yup, the cycles that must be sometimes i feel as if i've healed from childhood hurt, then sometimes, its there again. oh and learn:)

to infinity and beyond