Vegetarian Dee

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

coming to terms

my little darling baby will be five months in a less than two time flies.

a few days ago, i was again hit by the anxiety bug that made me stress about my life and how i feel like it is going nowhere. before, i was sinking in the pit, i have my son to worry about.

a friend pointed out that maybe i have not truly come to terms with the whole 'mommyhood' idea. yes, things have changed. priorities, everyday life, relationships, (my size!!), the way i feel about things. on a good day, i can experience these changes and take things in stride. on a bad day, (fridays mostly coz those are the days when i feel alone at home and resentful that my partner is out havin' a ball livin' the bachelor life!) things can really get to the point that i want to fly away and start over.

i love my son..with all my heart. i want to give him the best..this of course means finding the best person for myself, who will love me and my son unconditionally, treat us right, take care of us and make the world a sunshiney place. whether or not that person has arrived is beyond me today. that is what stresses me out. the what if's sink in.

so i accept that the whole mum idea is still in transition within me. it doesn't mean that i love my son doesn't make me a bad mum and does not deserve my guilt. simple fact is that i am going through changes that bring with them a bunch of wacky emotions to deal with..

here's to a happy and healthy life for me and my darling son benny. wherever the wind will bring us, there will always be sunshine:)

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

hair cut of the rich and famous!

inspired by katie holmes...

...i got a hair cut and ended looking like this

oh well, i tried.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

loving the latching

this is just to express my gratitude and joy that my little benny is a great sucker..from day one, when we were both new at this, he readily came to me with eagerness and latched. some babies don't even do that. and it is sad i guess.
there is great fulfillment i get from breastfeeding my baby and after 4 months, i sometimes worry about what my life will be when benny grows up and weans himself away from me.. i think i may need some weening as well! anyhow, this wil be a long time from now since benny and i are loving the latching!

lately though, he has become very hyper and so fond of playing that he feeds less. less, compared to his feeding-almost-every-minute days, but still enough to keep him staying healthy and happy. i notice though that trying to feed him when he is not hungry is a bad bad move. we both just get frustrated thn give up. the consolation of it all, is that when this little boy is hungry he latches immediately and without hesitation. i love that.

a friend of mine whos baby is a 'light sucker' has to pump 24/7 to give her baby enough milk. we jokingly planned to make benny latch onto her one day to get the milk flowing and maybe entice the baby though show-and-tell. before, i thought this idea to be sick (sharing teet!! eeeew!). But now, if it were in desperation, i would consider sharing my milk or letting my baby receive from someone else if i couldn't give. it would maybe break my heart, but i'd do it for him.

luna was born yesterday, august 15, 2007 at 7.1 lbs.
luna, little luna..with her murmur in her heart. be strong little one, we're all praying for you.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Happy Assumption Feast Day 2007

Took a little trip to Assumption College tonight for the infamous AC vigil 2007..a special year becasue MME, the college's patron, was canonized this year!! Benny and I were able to catch the last few songs of the METTA presentation..i swayed my hips to 'Halleluia Tart' with Benny on sling:) Was also able to talk to Sir Ian about him and his wife have been raising their son. I like ho they think, going back to basics..pure breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping..none of that 'let the baby cry and get used to it bull crap'. sometimes i feel like the lonely bee in the MTV of No Rain..looking for kindred souls who believe in the same things I do. Thank god for the ones i've found :)
Was also able to see my bibo blockmates: aleah, trix, kitel and some good friends: dos, shaena (who's getting hitch next year 080808!), candice and nina. so much fun to see all of them and show benny off (hehehe!) got some good photos which i will add to my "Into your arms" album on multiply! wow i miss college..we're all growing up and it is so nice to have great mem'ries!

in other news...

here's the tee little big benny got tonight from his daddy bo :) custom-made tiny size for the little bwitre!

in more news...

benny's ninang gia is going to be giving birth today!! Maria excited for that!

and more news...

benny's other ninang sabine is back in town! fun fun!


emotional state: somewhat high...i want to start keeping a log of how i feel on a daily basis to see whether there is a pattern to my highs and lows.