Vegetarian Dee

Friday, September 21, 2007

fighting for feeding

i think i just made myself an enemy.

i watched the video on you tube about a mother breastfeeding her children until they were five and eight. quite inspirational for me since i pray for the milk to keep flowing til then. her husband was ok with it and very supportive in fact. her children loved her breasts and milk, saying they'd "choose breastmilk ove a thousand melons".

i have been feeding benny for almost six months now, and this was my initial goal when i gave birth, but now, i would like to do it until he's four or five. even longer if possible. there is a beautiful connection i feel when he feeds. something that is so pure and amazing. i never thought i would love it so much.

anyhow, while browsing through the videos close to the previous one, i found a rip-off satire done by some chain-smokin' white lady. silly really. i couldn't help but post a comment for the video.

a day later, she replied.

at least we agree that breastfeeding in natural and beatiful. but i kinda feel like i made myself an fight for the right to feed without constraints, embarrassment, and prejudice!

here's to more fun feeding moments with benicio!

cheers to all you lactating ladies out there!

the evolution of a logo

the evolution of the logo of indigo..a collaboration between dee and nix 'after a life of ambivalence"..(does that mean my life is un-ambivalent now???!!)

first, we came up with this

then decided to make things simpler and designed this

a cool artist friend make this, using the 'g' as a mother and child

we wanted something hipper, and another friend got inspired and came up with this

i like this..really, but it's been done after all this, we decided to stick with this

other inspired ideas that we can keep on file


so there.

here's to indigo, the children that inspired it, and the mums that conceptualized it;)

special thanks to louis fojas, enzo montano, and of course, my darling sister lesleigh

Saturday, September 1, 2007

i hate

no one is going to read this so i might as well tell my blog how i feel.

i am worried about all the hate i am currently feeling for my grandfather. he stormed into my room the other night and un-invited me to dinner so benny could stay home. he said

"no, you are not invited, my friend. Stay home with your son!" (i still need to learn how to make words bold here!)

i hate how he calls me 'his friend" coz we will never be anything close to that. and how he calls benny my son, and not by his if to make things more authoritative.

ok ok. i know he has benny's wellbeing in his mind, but i hate how him and my grandma think that they know what's best for him. i guess all adults (does that disclude me?) think they know what to do, since they have had their own share of children and life in general. but the way they hover, with such authority is purely annoying. it makes me feel stupid as a mum, like i am selfish and make selfish decisions and do not care about benny's health, joy, and overall being! really stupid, they always think i purposely expose him to germs and bad spirits. arrghhh. i need to accept that they are from the old school way of thinking where outdoor equals sickness and activity equals overfatigue.

now, when my grandfather goes to benny to talk to him and say hi, i feel my blood boil, like i want to tell him to never look at us again. i am scared coz i feel like i am beginning to have the same anger that my mum had for her parents..that deep rooted resentment for them, blaming them for i dont know what.

that's why i want to leave. for as long as i live with them, they will always think they have authority over me and now benny. they will always have a say. i like being here coz i have my sister with me, help that i need (food, laundry, driver), the net to keep me sane, and the village atmosphere for benny's wellbeing. but the trade off is shit from my grandparents.

this has been brewing for a while and i'd like to believe that by writing, i am letting go of some steam. i do not want to hate. i do not want to be unhappy. i do not want to have resentments.

oh well...much has to be done, dee. one day at a time.