Vegetarian Dee

Friday, October 26, 2007

in the danger zone

Benny, at almost 7 months, moves.

And he moves a lot.

Started with slithers backwards, turning over and getting stuck, rolling, humping, pouncing (with growling), climbing, pulling.

Needless to say, to leave him on the bed, or anywhere alone would be dangerous.

The other day, as he dozed off to dreamland (or so I thought), I got up and answered a phone call in the other room. I didn't dare disturb him coz naptime equals Dee time, for shower, food, and net (busy busy is good good!).

In less than two minutes, I entered back into the room to find Ben awake, on the corner of our queen-sized bed, on his knees and with his hands on the arm of the rocking chair by the bed...giddy and bouncing with a big grin on his face as if he were saying, "Mum!! There you are!!"

I ran (four steps from the door to the bed) and grabbed him in panic that another second away could mean another fall..more painful than the previous one!

Safe and in the bed, we played and fed until he napped again after. Phew! Fearless Benicio.

In other news....

it has been 12..yes twelve days since Benny has seen daddy-o.:( Because I am mad, holding back and not communicating. But B has also not tried to see us, or at least Ben. No call, no text, no asking if he could come visit (Sometimes I wish he were somewhere around spying on us at least.).

Can't comprehend how he could stay away this long. *sigh*

oh well..if he did come, i don't know how i'd act or what i'd say anyway. Just pondering.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

poop in the toilet

weeeee!! Benny poo-ed in the toilet twice tonight!

i think our trial at elimination communication is working..well slowly, but better that than nothing.

i started trying the method roughly two months ago, and since Ben is a lampin (cloth diaper) baby (thank god to my grandmother for this input, we fought about cloth vs. plastic when i was pregnant and i am sooooooo glad i gave in!), it makes it a bit easier.

i got some tushy wushy diapers and have been using them at home and for short trips outside. so far so good. i also went on two weeks of running to the toilet, watching out for peeing cues and signs, waking up at night with the bed soaked coz i was too tired to wake up and change a cloth diaper, until i said, thing at a time.

then today, wearing his chino pino care of yummy mummy monica, benny grunted as he was going to poo..i rushed him to the toilet, removed him nappy, and sat him on the toilet, alone this time, not between my legs as i was wearing a camo skirt. he pushed and pushed and smile at me between dropping little mustard paste into the bowl, as if he was proud to do it! i was impressed and kept patting him on the back with pride :)

then again, later tonight, as i was in between lampins, benny started grunting while feeding on my lap (yes, i leave him naked and free sometimes and have made a very nasty mess, but it is just toooooo nice to see him naked!). he moved his fingers to him bum and we just looked at each other and i knew: he was going to poo. again, he did it in the toilet!

i'm impressed. maybe this elimination communication is working! pee is a bit tricky to catch, tiresome too, but starting with one thing is better than none at all:)

cheers to benlove and mum dee!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

knowing there is only now

"Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark."
-Agnes De Mille

A comfort to read such words on my email I guess.

With all the chaos around me, the impending uncertainty, deep sadness slash excitement that singledom may be mine again, the trusting the process and knowing that all i have is really today.

i don't know. i am sad. i am hurt. but when I look into Benny's eyes, with him smiling at me for no reason at all, I know that things will be ok, no matter what. Really.

Enough settling, or running after people to be loved. I deserve so much more than that.

I pray for strength..and courage..with the souls of every one who has walked this path before and found themselves better in the end.

Now, I am not walking it alone. I've got Benlove to hold my hand.

I do not want to hate anymore. I pray for the day I am less mad at the cards that I am dealt. But as much as I want to blame, I know that I also chose the choices I made that led me here.

All will be well..good things.

Friday, October 12, 2007

starting solids

october 8..benny celebrated his half-year my how time flies. really.

that meant introducing some solids to his diet. as an Open 24/7 No Reservations milk machine, the idea of food for benny was a little bit scary.

"oh no, what if he likes the food better than me?"

I was worried.

I saw how he looked at us with intent in his eyes when we'd eat on the dinner table. I watched how his head would turn to an almost right angle as he sat on my lap and looked up as my fork traveled from the plate to the mouth. He was ready.

So I did it. I introduced my sunshine boy to oatmeal three mornings ago...first with a little bit on my clean finger, then with his spoon. He took to it well. It was adorable how he opened his mouth and leaned towards the spoon.

Oatmeal dripped from his lips, but he enjoyed it. So did I. (Even if I had a sudden fear in my head about the day when he'd stop drinking my milk:<)

So I have officially started solids I guess. I used oatmeal from the local grocery, ground to a powder in the blender, and cooked in a little water. He eats very little so far, but we enjoy his feeding paraphernalia from Baby & Co (except I had to exchange the cute colorful ones because they were made in China!!)

Food glorious food.

The funnest part of it all is that Ben still adores my milk-giving breasts! Even if they have shrinked to size, adjusted to his need, he giggles and half whines with desire when I position myself next to him in the bed right before a feed. Like he really wants it. I love that.

A friend of mine had a daughter refuse her breast after five months of mix feeding. The infant enjoyed her new fake nipple. This friend of mine experienced depression. I am guessing it was the grieving from weening?

I know it will be hard for milk, keep flowing and Benny, keep sucking!

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Life is beautiful

I hardly write in this blog, due to lack of time and effort..but wanted to share this with you..and put it here as well, so I can read it every now and then..since i tend to forget and take life's pleasures for granted. cheers!

Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food -
Think of someone who
has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife -
Think of someone who's
crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children
Think of someone who desires children but they're

Before you argue about your dirty house someone
didn't clean or sweep -
Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with
their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who
wish they had your

But before you think of pointing the finger or
condemning another -
Remember that not one of us is without sin and we
all answer to one

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -
Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive
and still around.