November 13, 2014
Demographic info
Age: 32Socioeconomic status [race, class]: filipina-indian, middle classEducation level: college graduate, media productionRelationship status: married with 2 kids1. Explain social pressures of birth and breastfeeding in the Philippines. Do you feel women are encouraged to both work and have a family? Or is the message that women must choose.Because we are a Catholic country and very family-oriented, we are encouraged to have children and families, but the maternity leave mandated by the government is only 1 month if you deliver normal, and 2 months if c-section. Because of this, many moms have to either quit working, or request for longer leaves (with no pay, or depends on the company), or leave newborn infants with relatives or extended family. In the Philippines we are blessed to have families close by so this is usually an option for most since it is also hard to find a good nanny right away.The Philippines is very western in the sense that delivering at home is not so common. It is actually very rare, but some people do it. In the poorer communities, there are birthing clinics and most of them delver normally because they dont have money for a c-section. Sometimes this is even better, coz in bigger hospitals, some OB-gyns do c-secs not only if needed, but out of convenience-- plus they will earn more and have more control over their time. There is a growing community of home birthing moms and i am very happy about this, but the group is small still.Re breastfeeding-- we have a larger community of active moms and advocates who promote breastfeeding in hospitals and events. there are lots of mom-preneurs who do this too-- like me :P so yes it is encouraged, but i still hear of some isolated cases of doctors giving wrong advice to moms telling them to use formula! there is a milk code law also restricting milk companies to promote formula for babies under 2 years old, but the companies still manage to slip in sometimes.More and more offices and malls have nursing stations/rooms to promote pumping and nursing! Read more about that here: http://www.chroniclesofanursingmom.com/ 2009/08/milk-code-forum.html 2. Did owning your own business ease pressure over how much maternity leave you could take? Or was it even more stressful? What was the experience like after both Benny and Pax?I am blessed to have my own business and work online, and have 2 employees so when I had pax, we actually hibernated in my in-laws house for 2 months. this meant benny was not in school, bogey was freelance working and i could work if needed while paxy was asleep or in someone elses arms. I allowed myself this break to heal and enjoy the days nursing and cuddling with my little one since it goes by soo fast! My business is also somewhat established already so my assistant knows how to run things and i can just check on them over the phone or visit. I am soo grateful about this! And to be with family who was cooking for me and cleaning the house. basically it was heaven and all i needed to worry about was breastfeed and take care of pax!With Benny, I was still employed in an advertising agency so I had 2 months maternity leave and stayed with mama and papa (bogey and i werent married yet at that time). The helpers assisted me and cooked for us! this was great! when my 2 months was almost over, I asked my office if i could get any work to do from the house and they agreed for another 3 months, but after that, I decided that I wanted to start my business and not work in an office. it was a bit scary to do, especially since bogey and i werent married yet, but that is when Indigobaby was born and things all worked out for the best!3. What about paternity leave?Paternity leave in the Philippines is only 1 week, which is tooo darn short if you ask me! With benny, bogey took a week off and we stayed together as a family in his parents house but when we went back to work, i moved back to San Lo with mama and Papa.When Pax was born, Bogey was doing free lance advertising work so we were blessed to have him at home with us to help out!4. Was breastfeeding important to you? Why or why not? Did you feel comfortable doing it outside or was there a stigma around it? At work, was it hard to go find a quiet place to pump?Yes it was!!! Initially with benny, I said id do it for only 6 months, but as he grew and we got the hang of it, i became committed to it and my life revolved around it. i met like-minded moms and groups that advocated bfeeding and actually became a LATCH peer counselor too. Indigobaby also advocates attachment parenting and bfeeding so it is really a part of my life and i am glad to have a 2nd go at it now with pax! :* i even joked before and said id nurse benny til he was in college hahaaha:P but i weaned him when he was 3years old and ill prolly wean pax by then too :)http://indigobabyshop.com/ I was very comfortable nursing around with my Boncho and nursing bras! It's actually just Mama that gets nervous when I whip my boobies out haha, but it doesnt bother me! But i cover up so that people around me arent put in a strange situation :PI only pumped once in an office and it was in a bathroom since there was no nursing station at that time. But more often, Id have benny or pax with me and nurse them direct!5. Tell me about having Benny! How far along did you find out/how? Did you see a doctor or a midwife? What “tips” did they give you? Anything specific they told you to stay away from? Did you have a preference for home birth from the start (or was that something that came about during your second pregnancy?) or was a hospital birth planned? Did talk of a C-section come up? Did you want a natural birth? Did you see a doctor or midwife regularly?Throw back!I was working in advertising when I found out i missed my period, but my OB suggested to wait a bit before I took the PT. i was smoking still at that time gross! but i knew my body and felt like something was up! so before i took the PT, i smoked my last cigarette and said goodbye to that forever! i was about 4-6weeks when we found out! it was scary and exciting..i was 24 years old i think, unmarried and confused. haha! we had an OB but she was not into doing a waterbirth so we changed to another OB and another. when my last OB found out about my heart surgery when i was 8 years old, she suggested we dont do a waterbirth and said shed feel safer if i had epidural at 6cm. i didnt know any better and just agreed to this. also, whenever wed ask OBs how much to prepare, they always said that this was our first pregnancy and we should be prepared for a Csec coz youll never know if they baby can even fit in the birth canal until it comes. i think this is bull though. i wanted a waterbirth at home, but felt like no one supported me- bogey was scared too, his family too and mama also. so i scapped the idea out but wanted to deliver normally in the hospital. we went for regular check ups and ultrasounds. i was also eating a bit healthy so i stayed away from the sodas, processed food etc. i gained 40 lbs though with benny !! was told to avoid chocolates and sweets, but i was pregnant over christmas and its extra yummy to eat when you are preggy! hahaah! plus i was still eating everything, unlike with paxy i was vegetarian until i was 6months prego. i ate one too many cupcakes and benny came out 8.9lbs-- really big!!! even the nurses were surprised!! i tried to deliver normally, but gave up when my OB said i looked like i was having a hard time and was tired. as soon as she said that, i said, ok ok, just get him out already! i was in labor for 14hours and tired and frustrated. within seconds the anaesthesiologist was in the room to zonk me and i was strapped down and that was it. i started to cry coz i reallized that that was it-- goodbye to my dream of a normal birth. i felt defeated and kept crying and saying sorry-- to the doctor, to bogey, to benny, to myself. i then passed out and the next thing i knew, benny was out swollen and adorable. our first family photo and my eyes were soo puffy from crying:( but, as with all births, each baby has his own story-- and this was benny's. i feel i couldve still done it normally, maybe with a midwife and at home. i guess in hospitals, they are trained to intervene vs letting nature take its course.
fatty benny: https://www.facebook.com/
6. Compare your pregnancies/birth experiences.5 years later, i got pregnant again after getting married, but got a miscarriage after 4 weeks:( it was soo sad. http://dengslunchbox.blogspot.com/2012/07/on- letting-go.html but i mourned and moved on. then another miracle came (and hes really here! pax is up and i have to nurse him first!:* ill answer the rest later!
continued: november 15, 2014:
then another miracle came in november 2012. i found myself pregnant with paxy and this time, instead of getting too excited and telling everyone-- bogey and i waited til christmas to announce the good news. in older traditions also, they keep it quiet until after the 3rd month til when you are kinda sure that the baby is there with a heartbeat and all. it was also a nice secret to keep between bogey benny and myself..and mama. :) i just let nature take its course and prayed a lot to Our Lady of Guadalupe-- patron of the unborn babies. id hold the rosary on my belly at night and tell her to keep the little miracle in there to grow strong and safe until it was time for the birth. we finally announced the great news over the holidays. at this time, i already knew i wanted to do a VBAC, since it was already 5 years since my Csec. but also, i wanted a VBAC home birth-- which was a scary idea to play with for most OBs. before even seeing an OB, i had a midwife visit me and we heard the babys heartbeat for the first time!! and based on measurement and counting, i was already 4months preggy:)
i was referred to Dr. Martin dela Rosa, who was in his 70s but known for being a bit of a rebel in the medical profession since he supported home births and natural births. he also had a birthing chair in the hospital so you can birth standing up. this is uncommon in hospitals since they like you lying down. but, dr. martin didnt want to do homebirths anymore since he was put on the spotlight a few times by other doctors and almost lost his professional license due to unhappy family members and other doctors who were against homebirths. he had to be a little more conservative daw:( so he said, denise-- we can try for a VBAC but we will need to do it here in the hospital-- the homebirth vbac will be too risky since i had a history of Csec. i kinda let go of the idea then and stopped seeing a midwife until i was about 7.5months preggy again and met a lady who performed a waterbirth. she referred me to her midwife and we met a couple of times until the day i gave birth. i was seeing my OB regularly too and didnt tell him that i was secretly planning a home/waterbirth with a midwife. this time around, bogey and i were also more informed and watched https://www.youtube.
i had a doula friend, but she wasnt certified or anything. she was just a mom that had a successful homebirth and i was comfortable with her. we bought a kiddie pool and got ready for the day.
the night before i gave birth, we took benny out for his 'kuya' (big brother) party and celebrated the fact that he was going to be a big brother soon. that night, the pains started, but i managed to sleep after a massage til about 2am when the pains were a bit stronger. i texted my doula and midwife and by 5am, they were there with us at home. i told my secretary to not come to work that day since we wanted privacy and hibernation at home.
bogey and the doula set the kiddie pool up and warmed water. i was able to labor in the house, walking around as much as i wanted to, dancing and swaying with bogey through the contractions and even showered when i felt like it. i went into the pool and the warm water really helped with the pain. my water broke at around 1pm and the midwife said that the baby should be out soon. we went into the pool and i tried pushing.. i wish i had photos to document this but my memory will have to be the best photo- imagine me sitting in the pool, my back was leaning on bogeys legs and he was holding me and massaging me while the midwife was infront of me, ready to assist the baby when it was time, and the doula was beside me, kneeling on the floor telling me i was strong and that i was doing very good. i pushed as hard as i could, i gave it my all and the midwife even had her hands in me to help widen me up to have pax come out, but something was wrong she said, like something was blocking him from descending. it had been 13hours already, and she was suggesting we try other positions, we tried on the floor, on the couch, i even napped in between. by 5pm, we were all kinda getting frustrated na-- why wasnt the baby out yet? benny would come down from the room and ask: "mom, wheres the baby, he should be out already??!!" he was my little prophet, but i was determined to have a homebirth and wanted to try longer! so we did, regularly checking the babys heartbeat and all looked fine. but at 6pm, my mom called from africa and i cried to her on the phone in pain and she screamed at bogey and told him to take me to the hospital already since it had been too long. finally at about 7pm we decided to get into the car and accept that we were on our way to the hospital.
i called my OB on the way to the hospital and he was shocked i hadnt called earlier and said hed rush and meet me in the hospital. i cried when i got there, and asked if we could try another hour normally, but they said its been too long and the babys heart rate was slowing down and he was in distress and they had to open me up :( i told my OB before he cut me: "Doc, lets try for normal again after 6 years ok:P" he just laughed.
as the anaesthesia kicked in, i felt no more pain, but vomitted while they were cutting me open. they got paxy out and put him by my face and i cried as i smelled him for the first time, but they rushed him to the NICU since he had pooped meconium inside and swallowed some of it too:( he had bacteria in his lungs and had baby pneumonia and needed to be in the NICU they said.
after this, my OB came to me with bloody gloves and said urgently: "denise, your placenta and uterus are stuck together and i need to remove them both right away. i need your consent, and bogeys now."
"but im 32 doc and i still want kids!!! can you just leave it???", i said.
"youll bleed to death. i cant leave it. ill get bogeys consent." and he ran out to talk to bogey. i cried and passed out.
next thing i knew, i woke up in the operating room as the anaesthesiologist was there checking on me.
"what happened to my uterus," i asked. more concerned about that than my baby at that moment.
"it's gone." he said.
apparently i had this thing called Placenta Acreta, where your placenta grows blood vessels to the uterus and it is very dangerous and people have died during childbirth coz of that. they dont know why it happens, possibly a previous Csec is a factor, but most doctors dont look for it during pregnancy because it is very rare. in my OBs 50years in practice, he claims hes only had to perform an emergency hysterectomy due to placenta acreta 3x. i was his 3rd. so there i was, 32 and with no ovaries, uterus etc. but also with pax in the NICU and i couldnt hold him til 4 days later, and was only allowed to nurse him directly on day6. you can imagine the heartbreak of this. i wanted to fight with everyone in the hospital and just get him and run home.
7. Did Benny's birth experience influence how you viewed the second? If so, what?
Yes!! i saw that being in the hospital meant giving up some of my birth plans and allowing the nurses to do what they thought was best. this is why i was sooo sure i wanted to do a homebirth with the next one. and even if we werent able to deliver at home, i am sooo happy we tried, because i got to move around as much as i wanted, shower in my home, sway with bogey, listen to music, see bennys face, be in the comfort of my own house! also, the second time around, both bogey and i were more united in the goal to have a VBAC homebirth:)
8. Talk about Pax's pregnancy and birth.
-answered in #6 :)9. How did you find your midwife? What was your relationship like with her?
she was referred by a friend who had a successful waterbirth. i met her when i was 7months preggy and we only met 2x before the delivery. i know i didnt prepare enough maybe thats why i wasnt successful. maybe if i had a longer and deeper relationship with my midwife and doula, things wouldve been different but who knows. :P
10. What was it like after Pax's birth?
After Paxy's birth, we spent 6 days in the hospital recovering, while pax spent 10days in the NICU. as mentioned, i wasnt able to hold him in my arms until the 4th day, so i was crying and dying!!! i fought with the pediatrician for injecting him with antibiotics and almost signed a waiver for his release, but decided not to and just trust that the doctors knew what they were doing. i was pumping and storing my breastmilk and giving it to NICU so they could feed pax and the other newborns if needed. we were on the same floor and id walk there multiple times a day to stare at him in his bassinet and pray. on the 4th day, i was allowed to hold him and my heart sang!! on the 6th day, i was allowed to go home already and was told i could nurse him directly that day!! it was bliss!
so i went home to alabang and left pax in the NICU.. all these 6 days, we hadnt seen benny since he refused to visit us. i think he was a bit traumatised by the hospital. it was sooo nice to see him again and hug him. id go back to the hospital every day for 4 days to nurse paxy then go home to sleep at night. finally on the 10th day, paxy came home with us!! :*
we hibernated in alabang with bogeys family for 2 months to recover and be pampered with family around us and maids to cook and clean! it was more than i could ask for! after 2 months, we went back home to our house in makati and i experienced some post-partum / depression and my OB suggested i take HRT (hormone replacement pills) due to the hysterectomy. but i was committed to find another option so ive been eating better, getting sunshine, yoga, meditation. i never went back to that OB again (Dr. Martin) coz i was mad and hurt. papa actually even wanted to sue him for doing the hysterectomy bec he thinks that there couldve been another solution, but Dr. Martin claims it was a matter of life and death and he had to do what he thought was best at that moment. i wont really ever know, since i am not a doctor and i was drugged. ive been learning to come to terms with it, grieving, praying, trusting the process and knowing that all things happen for a reason and for the best...and that God is in charge.
ill be seeing a homeopathic doctor next week to see what we can do about my hormones.
in hindsight, i always say that paxy couldve been delivered normally at home, but he hung on inside because he knew that if he was delivered at home, maybe i would bleed to death and not survive to the hospital. so he saved my life saying: "mom, i know you really want this vbac homebirth, but i cant come out here coz i want you to be alive to raise me and benny!!"
(eep im now crying typing all of this.) share this story with your mom. i havent had the time and guts to write my blog story about this, but this is a first step and it is healing for me to talk about this.
1. right after the C-section
2. my first time to hold paxy in my arms, day4
3. paxys face after our first breastfeeding moment!! look at that smile!!!!
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