I'll See You In My Dreams

Dearest Lover, 

Hi. 

P.s. let's sing first...

I wish you bluebirds in the spring

to give your heart a song to sing

and then a kiss

but more than this

I wish you love

and in July a lemonade

to cool you in some leafy glade

I wish you health, and more than wealth

I wish you love

my breaking heart and I agree

that you and I could never be

so with my best, my very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

a cozy fire to keep you warm

but most of all, when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

my breaking heart and I agree

that you and I could never be

so with my best, my very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

a cozy fire to keep you warm

but most of all, when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

but most of all

when snowflakes fall

I wish you love...

end

Songwriters: Charles Louis Trenet / Albert Askew Beach

Where were we? 

Well..I am here to tell you that it is still you. *deep sigh* yes, still you. 

I've tried to run away, distract myself and move on, but my heart still belongs to you. When I die, I want you there by my side. If you die, I'd be devastated. I still want to explore this life with you. Go on adventures, hikes, swims, trips, travels and more. I want to love you, explore you-- amazing beautiful you, i want to fight with you. yes-- fight with you. because it is in those fights that i'd feel most connected with you. we were talking.. we were real, raw and truthful. and yes, it could be painful, but man, i fucking miss it:(

So I left Baler in July 15, 2023. Today is September 4. And I guess I am meant to be where I am meant to be-- in Ivory Wood with Mama and Tanya. FOR NOW. FOR NOW. FOR NOW.  

Till when? I don't know. There's someone else running the show behind the scenes and it aint me. He wants me to be with my 90-year old Padma today, day in and day out, so this is where I will stay for now. ONE F'IN DAY AT A TIME. What else am I to do? Fight? Kick? Shout and scream? God knows I've tried but for now, I SURRENDER. 

I am happy I see you when you drop Paxy off. I am happy to have dinners with you. Even as "friends". I am happy you are happy. I am happy you are healthy and well. I wish you love. I wish you joy. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But for now, I listen to my songs and write my letters to the essence of you. Because when all is said and done, and I am a floating spirit, we can be happy floating spirits in love for eternity:P lol, ang drama! Hahaha! But who know..maybe our love wasn't meant for this earthly plain. We will transcend all of these human drama and suffering and find each other again one day-- in another shape and form. I'll hold onto that. <3

Til then.. 

i love you. 

xoxo 

Another one.. coz it's oh so nice to listen to music and write my sorrows away.