A Promise of Hope
by DCSG
October 25, 2026
October 29, 1999
I entered these rooms when I was 17, from an overdose near death experience that almost cost me my life. In that experience, I went to a place that I thought was heaven and I saw a person who I thought was God. And I said to Him, “This is so cool, I feel amazing, no more pain, no more suffering, no more confusion. Can I just stay here with you?” And that being said to me, “No, Denise, you need to go back to earth, help yourself and help others like you.”
I was then zapped back into the hospital room, with tears in my eyes and I knew I needed help. The next week, I was in treatment for the disease called addiction.
I wish my story ended there but it took many years of “research and experimentation”, trying to find the perfect combination of drugs and alcohol that wouldn’t make me unmanageable (lol). I tried my best from 17 to 40 but found myself on my knees, face flat on the floor begging for a solution, for an answer. That was when I came back into these rooms on July 16, 2022. I stayed abstinent from drugs and alcohol for a year but did not go to meetings or work the steps. I just didn’t pick up. I found myself depressed and I asked God, my Higher Power, for an answer to my misery. A friend in recovery reached out to me and invited me to join The Gratitude Express meetings on Zoom. I hesitated at first, being ashamed for all my years of relapse, but I was welcomed with open arms, no judgement and lots of encouragement. “Keep coming back”, they would always say. I found a sponsor and we worked the steps with the Big Book, page by page, line by line, pencil and highlighter in hand. That has made all the difference. Today, I am 4 years clean and sober by the grace of God. I continue to go to meetings, work the steps and help others like me.
A promise of hope
When I was 12 years old, I lost my father to this disease. My mom asked him to leave the house because he couldn’t stop using. A promise of hope from this 12-step program is standing here today with my dad in the same room, clean and sober today for 10 years now <3
This disease runs deep. As you can see, genetic pre-disposition plays a major role. I am 1 of 4 children and only I got the disease of addiction and alcoholism. I also married someone who is a “managable user”.
I heard a story once where a man was drowning in a ship. He couldn’t save anyone including himself until he jumped off the ship to find dry ground. Then and only then could he find help for the others on the drowning ship. Sadly, this disease destroyed my marriage and took what it took. I had to leave my marriage, jump ship and save myself first. I have 2 beautiful sons, 19 and 13, and my prayer is that they don’t have to go through what I went through. This disease ends with me. This is why I am here today. This is why I stay clean and sober.
I spent my life trying to be someone I am not. I tried with the best of my ability to “drink and use like a lady” but I have had to accept that drugs and alcohol have no place in my life. Because of that, I wrote and published a book entitled Apples and Oranges, a celebration of similarities and differences.
In the Big Book page 427 in the personal story entitled Window of Opportunity there is a passage that reads:
The speaker said, “If you’re an apple, you can be the best apple you can be, but you can never be an orange.” I was an apple all right, and for the first time I understood that I had spent my life trying to be an orange. I looked around at a room filled with apples and, if I was understanding the speaker, most of them were no longer trying to be oranges.
If you or a person that you love needs help, do reach out +639285040226 hashtagdeetalks@gmail.com
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